About Me.
I’m a perfectionist, I like compliments, and I am never
satisfied. I could stop there,
realizing these are things that I’m just destined to be and live with, but I
know this is not where it ends. My
faith has led me to believe that my desires for affirmation, perfection, and
completion are meant to be contented. So I’m on a mission to find the places
where I place my identity, and redirect them to where I know they can be
fulfilled…eternally.
Almost a year ago, I was flipping through TV channels and
settled
on the news for some background noise to my dinner. I wasn’t paying attention until I heard the words, “…she had no mirrors for a year.” I turned up the volume and saw Kjerstin Gruys, a woman
with blond hair and a big smile tell the anchor how she had struggled with an eating disorder, and after reading a book about a woman from the 15th century who spent a lifetime not seeing herself, she decided to embark on a year-long challenge to live without the critic in the mirror. My immediate thoughts were, “I could never do that. But wow, that’s so inspiring! And so beautiful!” Months later, I still couldn’t get that idea out of my head and I kept asking myself, “I wonder if I could do that…could I?” Most of the time the answer was no. But each time I knew that I wanted the answer to be yes.
on the news for some background noise to my dinner. I wasn’t paying attention until I heard the words, “…she had no mirrors for a year.” I turned up the volume and saw Kjerstin Gruys, a woman
with blond hair and a big smile tell the anchor how she had struggled with an eating disorder, and after reading a book about a woman from the 15th century who spent a lifetime not seeing herself, she decided to embark on a year-long challenge to live without the critic in the mirror. My immediate thoughts were, “I could never do that. But wow, that’s so inspiring! And so beautiful!” Months later, I still couldn’t get that idea out of my head and I kept asking myself, “I wonder if I could do that…could I?” Most of the time the answer was no. But each time I knew that I wanted the answer to be yes.
A few months later (this past January), I went on a 3-week
mission trip to Venezuela where a few students and I lived very simply; without
makeup, hair products, or nice clothes.
At first, stripped bare of what I was used to, the mirror felt like my
enemy. I tried to avoid mirrors as
much as possible, afraid of what I might see. Instead, I put my focus on being present to those around me,
both in the Venezuelan culture and in my group. And through it, I was transformed. I discovered an inner
light and beauty reflected back to me from others, because the more I placed my
focus on making sure the others around me were loved, the more I felt the love
transform my heart and my perception of beauty.
By the time I got home, I realized the mirror was not my
enemy, but a temptation to critique myself. I had lived 3 weeks without my outward appearance being part
of my identity and I didn’t want to back away from that freedom. I felt beautiful…no makeup and all! I
decided I would only look in mirrors when necessary, and never longer than I
had to. But moving back to a
college campus surrounded by beautiful women reaped the nasty fruits of
comparison all over again.
And so the “no mirror “ idea came back to me again, this
time in full force. I feel scared,
excited, and doubtful, wondering what God could possibly have in store for me. I
feel inspired to do this not only for myself, but also for others who place
their beauty in the image they paint of themselves in the mirror. I want girls to know that the light
they radiate doesn’t come from that shiny piece of metal, but from the love
they give to others in confidence
reflecting back to them, illuminating who they really are. I want them to repaint their self-image
with this new light.
So I’m inviting you to Paint the Mirrors. Don’t break them, because the mirror is
not our enemy; we are. Instead,
learn to “repaint” them, finding your beauty, and your identity reflected
through the eyes of Christ and the love and focus you show to others. “Mirror, Mirror on the wall, without
you I’m the most beautiful of all.”
“Why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you?” (Matthew 6:28-30).
Contact Me: deen1787@stthomas.edu
